


Bad Luck

by softency



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Cumming On Command, Denial of Feelings, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Jealousy, Jiyong is trying, Lack of Communication, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Seunghyun couldn't be less helpful, Slow Build, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, Youngbae takes care of Jiyong, he has no idea, he probably would have never otherwise, it resolves, it takes a big event before Jiyong comes clean, resolved angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-15 16:23:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18673249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softency/pseuds/softency
Summary: "It didn't work!" Jiyong hissed through the sobs to Youngbae. "Maybe he'll never love me! Maybe no one could ever fucking love me!"orJiyong ran into a fortune teller one night at a festival, and the woman promised that if he wanted, he could make one person fall in love with him. He chose his childhood best friend, Seunghyun, and expects him to somehow come falling at his feet.Nothing changes between them, and it doesn't seem to have worked.That begins his spiral downward.





	Bad Luck

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this prompt from Tumblr (I couldn't retrace the @?):
> 
> 'You have the ability to make one person fall in love with you. Choosing to use it on the person you've has a crush on for what feels like years, you expect them to be falling at your feet.  
> They're acting exactly the same as normal, and it doesn't seem to have worked.'
> 
> -  
> -  
> -
> 
> Also: Unrequited love sucks, it isn't pretty. Don't expect this to be a really pretty au lmao.

 

 

To put it simply, Jiyong didn't fuck with anything magical or supernatural. He never had and thought he never would, well, until one night at a festival with Youngbae.

 

There were lights everywhere, everyone in festival gear, body paint scattered through the crowds. Jiyong was clad in a pair of sinfully tight pants and a mesh crop-top, his hair pushed back with eyeliner lining his eyes. Jiyong was having the time of his life, getting steadily hit on by guys and girls, but he just laughed and brushed them off, telling them that he already had his eye on someone else. It wasn't entirely true, because the person wasn't at the festival, but Jiyong did, in fact, have someone he'd already fallen for. 

 

Before he knew it, though, that small fact had gotten him in a situation he never thought he would be in.

 

He walked into a booth, glittering lights shimmering in the ceiling and everything about the aesthetic inside the tent made Jiyong drawn further inside. 

 

 

Twenty minutes later, he walked back out with Youngbae, a bit shaken up by the enitre experience.

 

The woman in the tent had turned out to be a fortune-teller and worked with magic, but what made Jiyong take a chance on her, was immediately when he met her eyes she told him that he had an aura that screamed he was in love. She had hit the nail on the head multiple times during the time that they had spoken, knowing that he'd known the person he was in love with since childhood, that he felt that it was unrequited, and that Jiyong didn't want to give up loving him for anything, even if it hurt him more often than not.

 

_She had given him an offer._

 

Jiyong had taken a chance on her because no one in their right mind would pass up an opportunity like this.

 

She did something, got Jiyong to write out his and the man he love's name, and then at the end, she had told him that if everything worked correctly, in a few days his love would be drawn to him.

 

Jiyong was terrified to get his hopes up again. He didn't know if he could take being let down again.

 

Youngbae took him home that night to their shared apartment complex, splitting ways in the elevator before Jiyong stumbled into his apartment. 

 

Maybe Seunghyun could love him after all?

 

 

 

Three days later, Jiyong met up with Seunghyun for their bi-weekly coffee.

 

 

 

 

One week later, Jiyong had seen him three times in person, and nothing seemed new about how Seunghyun acted.

 

 

 

One month later, Jiyong called Youngbae crying his eyes out, finally breaking down and giving up the rest of the hope that his heart had left.  Seunghyun had gone on a date with a girl Jiyong knew, and he'd found out through her snapchat.

 

Seunghyun didn't even bother to tell him he was dating again.

 

 

 

The moment Jiyong began trying to talk to him through the phone, though, he immediately realized his mistake.

 

"Ji? What's wrong?!" Seunghyun's voice flowed through the phone's speaker, just aiding in making Jiyong cry harder. "Ji, baby, where are you?"

 

"N-No, no, d-don't-" Jiyong stuttered out through sobs, praying that somehow he could keep Seunghyun away, make Seunghyun stay on his date. Jiyong didn't want this, eve if he wanted the older, he wanted so much more for Seunghyun to be happy and not be worrying about him. 

 

"Jiyong where are you?" Seunghyun came through his phone, and the panic in the older's voice quickly became too much for Jiyong's still breaking heart, and he quickly fumbled with his phone and ended the call. His shaky hands managed to dial Youngbae for sure this time after a few tries.

 

"Bae..." He sobbed through the phone the moment the line picked up, and he immediately heard movement through the speaker.

 

"Ji, stay there, I'm coming." Youngbae said before the line went dead and Jiyong dropped his phone to the couch, curling into a ball, wanting to just disappear from everything right about now.

 

It only took about thirty seconds before he heard his front door fly open and Youngbae enter in a hurry.

 

"Why is Seunghyun calling me, Ji?" Youngbae asked as he slid on the couch next to Jiyong, pulling the younger close and letting Jiyong shift to cling to him as the rough sobs wracked through his frame.

 

"I-I-I call-called him... On a-accident..." Jiyong tried to speak through the sobs, clinging desperately to Youngbae to have  _something,_   _anything_ to ground himself. "He-He's on a d-date Bae- Don't l-let him come here." He begged, hearing Youngbae sigh and finally pick up his phone.

 

"Seunghyun, he doesn't-... I don't care, he isn't okay right now-... he doesn't want you right now hyung." Youngbae spoke through the phone, and Jiyong tried to muffle his cries into Youngbae's shirt so Seunghyun couldn't hear them, but it probably didn't help at all. "I've got him, hyung. I've gotten him through these things before, if you come over you'll just make him worse-... I don't care, just stay away until everything calms down. Ji will be safe with me." Youngbae argued, a tone of finality in his voice, before hanging up the phone, tension wracking his body.

 

"He's on a  _fucking_   _date_!" Jiyong hissed through the sobs to Youngbae. "Maybe he'll _never_ love me! Maybe _no one_ could ever f-fucking love me!" Jiyong said bitterly, clinging to Youngbae like he was his lifeline, the only thing keeping him from spiraling and doing something bad.

 

Youngbae just wrapped his arms around Jiyong, holding him securely. "Ji, you're going to find someone even better than him, you'll be okay." Youngbae said softly, rubbing Jiyong's back comfortingly.

 

He didn't bother speaking up and telling him that he  _didn't_ _want to_ , that he wanted Seunghyun and he didn't know if he could ever love another person as he'd fallen for the older man.

 

About ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

 

Jiyong's tears hadn't let up, but the shaking had slowly gone down to small shutters, his energy slowly dwindling. 

 

"Ji, I need to answer the door..." Youngbae said gently, and Jiyong sniffled but nodded slightly, moving to shift off of him and instead, now hugging a throw pillow to his chest tightly, burying his face into the fabric.

 

He heard Youngbae's steps lead over to the door and it slowly open. 

 

"Leave."

 

"Please, just let me help. I'm as close to him as you are, Youngbae."

 

Jiyong froze at the sound of the man's voice, and he began shaking again out of nerves. He didn't want Seunghyun to see him like this, even if  _he_ was the culprit of his breakdown. He probably looked just as shitty as he felt.

 

"Go home Seunghyun, he'll talk to everyone again when he's ready."

 

"Did I do this?"

 

A soft sigh from Youngbae sounded through the apartment. "Please go."

 

After a few moments and a few more hushed voices before Jiyong heard the door shut, and the couch dipped again. Jiyong moved back to Youngbae, his crying not as intense as before, but the tears were still flowing. 

 

"Why do I keep doing this to myself..?" Jiyong said through sniffles, resting his head on the elder's shoulder. 

  

Youngbae let out a soft hum, one hand going back to rubbing his back comfortingly. "You should talk to him, this has gone on way too long, Ji. You can't keep on going on like this, it's going to kill you." Youngbae said gently, trying to reason with the younger.

 

"I don't want to ruin everything, Bae. I don't want to lose him." Jiyong mumbled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "I can't lose him, even if I have to stomp on my heart over and over, I'll do it for him." He said honestly, and Youngbae let out a disappointed hum.

 

"I'm not _letting you_ do that to yourself, Ji. Maybe it's time to try dating again?" He said softly, and Jiyong felt tears well back in his eyes. He wanted to be able to forget Seunghyun, to move on, but at this point, he didn't know if he could bear doing it. He didn't know if his heart could handle giving up on Seunghyun after five years of the older owning his heart. 

 

Jiyong let out a soft sigh, blinking the tears from his eyes. "Maybe." He murmured, his grip still as tight on Youngbae as when he'd first came over. "If he's dating again, I guess I've just lost my chance." 

 

The older let out a sound in support, and Jiyong thought he might be able to do this with Youngbae backing him up. 

 

_He could do this._

 

_He could try to forget about loving Seunghyun._

 

 

 

 

Jiyong managed to avoid Seunghyun for a solid month, dodging his texts and calls until he eventually seemed to give up. 

 

Before too long, Jiyong was dragged out of his apartment by Youngbae, insisting that he join the other four of them to a club and stop sulking in his apartment. Jiyong had, in fact, been holed up in his apartment when he wasn't at his studio working on producing, and even then, he was reviewing lyrics and supplying harmonies.

 

Jiyong put on an outfit on that he hadn't gone near in years, a tight pair of black jeans and a plain light tee shirt tucked in the front of his pants, with a leather jacket on top. He used to dress like this when he was picking up guys, and that seemed to be his plan for tonight. Pick up a guy didn't look like Seunghyun, go home with him, and let go for the night.

 

He and Youngbae walked out of their apartment complex, being met with the sight of the other three waiting for them patiently outside. 

 

Immediately he felt his eyes drawn to Seunghyun but refused to meet the older's eyes and steadily acted as nothing had happened, that Jiyong hadn't made that phone call that night. It wasn't a long walk from their complex, maybe two minutes. The club they were going to wasn't overly popular, but did have a steady flow of people, and wasn't going to kick you out for kissing another guy. 

 

It only took five minutes inside before Jiyong had downed three shots and was feeling his body start to buzz. They all were sitting at the bar, Jiyong on the outside of their line, and Youngbae next to him. The older knew what Jiyong was after tonight, at least the look he threw Jiyong when the younger downed his fourth shot and started surveying the club for a possible lay. He already knew that he had at least a bit of Seunghyun's attention from the burning feeling of the other's stare. 

 

Jiyong watched the crowd, licking his lips and leaning against the bar lazily. A few moments later he caught a pair of eyes, a sly grin slipping on his lips. Jiyong watched the other as he moved with what looked like a group of friends on the dance floor, never looking away, and producer wasn't complaining. The other man was more than attractive, and he held Jiyong's attention easily; he seemed to be taller and obviously held more muscle than him. He wasn't Seunghyun, but Jiyong wasn't looking for someone like the older man, he was looking for someone to forget about everything with. Jiyong hadn't got laid in around half a year, so at this point, he wasn't that picky, he just wanted to forget.

 

After a few minutes of both holding each other's attention, the other man turned back to his friends, talking to them for a moment before Jiyong watched him start to head over his way. 

 

The stranger slid into the seat next to Jiyong, and he turned to face the other man, a shy grin on his lips. "Hey." Jiyong murmured, resting his elbow on the bar and leaning his cheek against his hand.

 

The other gave Jiyong a bright smile in return, licking his lips before speaking. "Hey, you want to dance?" The other asked, and Jiyong raised an eyebrow playfully the grin going a bit more sly again. 

 

"Hell yeah." He agreed with a soft giggle, slipping out of his chair and taking the man's hand, leading him to the dance floor, blending into the crowd on the dance floor.

 

Jiyong easily slotted his smaller body against the man's, draping his arms around the other's shoulders. He began to sway his hips to the beat, humming happily as the taller man's hands settled on his waist. 

 

"I'm Jae." The guy said, and Jiyong sent a shy grin to him.

 

"Jiyong"

 

They stayed like that for a hot second, just getting their hands on each other and moving to the best of the music. For the most part, Jiyong was able to relax and forget about everything for a while, just enjoying the company of the stranger. About five songs later though, Jae spoke up. 

 

"I think your friend is glaring at me, Jiyong." The taller leaned down before speaking into Jiyong's ear with an amused laugh, and Jiyong let out a soft hum in acknowledgment. 

 

"The one with dreads?" He asked, instinctively thinking it was just Youngbae getting a bit protective or possibly wanting to leave.

 

Jae shook his head, keeping his mouth close to Jiyong's ear to be heard the easiest. "Mm, no, he has thick eyebrows and glasses." The taller corrected, and Jiyong tightened his grip on the taller's shoulders.

 

"Of _fucking_ _course_ he is." He grumbled, annoyance flooding through his veins. Why couldn't he just not have Seunghyun in his mind for one night so he could get laid? "Is he looking at you or just me?" He asked, getting him some leverage so that when he acted he could maximize the effect.

 

The taller let out another bright, amused laugh at Jiyong's reaction. "He's not your boyfriend right?" He asked, and Jiyong let out a hum as an affirmative. "Well, he looks like he's going to rip you off of me and beat me up." He murmured, and Jiyong let out a soft laugh, threading his hands through Jae's hair idly, both of them never stopping their movements to the songs playing.

 

"We're just friends, I don't know why he's glaring at you." Jiyong said honestly, feeling the man's hands travel to his ass and squeeze, eliciting a small noise from Jiyong. 

 

"Ohhhh he didn't like that." Jae laughed, making Jiyong snicker, tucking his face into the taller's neck and pressing even closer. "You want to make a statement to him? Looks like he's jealous of us." The taller offered.

 

Jiyong let out a soft, bright laugh, fully floored that the guy who just met him would help him get under Seunghyun's skin. "Well I  _was_ going to try to suck your dick, but if you actually want to help me make a point I'm not going to turn you down."

 

"I'll give you my number later, maybe we can meet again outside of the club scene." He offered, and Jiyong nodded, agreeing to the idea easily. "You okay with me kissing and touching you? I'm not going to be actually trying to get in your pants, just teasing your friend over there." 

 

"Go for it." Jiyong hummed, lifting his face from Jae's neck, a shy grin on his lips. 

 

Before he knew it they turned to the side, to where Jiyong's back wasn't facing Seunghyun now, and the man had a clear view of everything. Jiyong kept his body close to Jae's, their hips rolling together naturally and if Jiyong didn't have Seunghyun on his mind right now, he'd surely be getting hard against the thigh pressed between his legs. 

 

Jae leaned in, beginning to kiss Jiyong's neck, instinctively making him shudder at the feeling. "Is he  _just_ a friend?"Jae asked against his neck, his hands still gripping the shorter's ass. 

 

It was a moment before Jiyong felt like he could answer, gathering his thoughts and deciding if he could trust the man or not with the truth. "I've been in love with him for years now." Jiyong explained, his voice different from the sly tone he'd begun talking to him with earlier. "He has no idea, and from what I've seen, no interest." 

 

The man paused before peppering kisses back up to his jaw, moving closer to be able to talk to him easier. "You've tried to get him?" He asked, smoothing his hands over Jiyong's ass before moving to explore a bit more up under Jiyong's shirt.

 

"Many times." Jiyong grumbled, a soft sigh leaving his lips as Jae's lips began moving again across his neck. 

 

"Seems like he's interested now that someone else has their hands on you." He said matter-of-factly, making Jiyong let out a soft huff of a laugh. "He looks angry." Jae murmured, switching sides of his neck as Jiyong tilted his head back a bit to give him more room.

 

Jiyong moved his gaze from Jae to search for Seunghyun's, almost immediately finding those eyes through the crowd. Jae was right when he said Seunghyun looked like he wanted to rip Jiyong away from the other guy. The older was pointedly glaring at the both of them, but mainly anywhere Jae touched on Jiyong. It didn't make _sense_ to Jiyong, he'd never personally seen Seunghyun get anything  _near_ jealous with him.

 

In a split second it changed, and Jiyong was meeting Seunghyun's eyes, the heated gaze not softening in the slightest. Instead, he intended on keeping Jiyong's eyes on  _him_. He felt his heart speed up as Seunghyun held his gaze steadily stayed locked with his now, not going back to Jae or where the other was touching. 

 

Suddenly, Jiyong felt Jae bite down lightly on a sensitive part on his neck. It caught him off guard, ripping a quiet moan from him, his eyes glazing over a bit but he still held Seunghyun's gaze. He watched the older take a shaky inhale in response, never breaking the eye contact.

 

"He still watching me?" Jae asked, his mouth going back to kissing across Jiyong's neck.

 

"He's looking at me now, it doesn't seem like he's going to look away anytime soon." He said, threading his hands back into Jae's hair. Seunghyun's eyes never left Jiyong's, not affected by Jiyong touching Jae like he had been before now that he had some of Jiyong's attention. 

 

Jae's hands wandered back to his ass, slipping into his back pockets. "I think maybe it's more complicated with him than you think." Jae said in a soft hum, making Jiyong purse his lips a bit stubbornly. "After tonight, I'd say he's at least a bit interested, if he wasn't, he wouldn't be so angry." Jae reasoned, and Jiyong couldn't help but agree with that. It just  _didn't make sense_ anymore. That was Jiyong's entire problem with this. He'd never acted like this before.

 

"He went on a date recently with a girl. I'd say he just isn't worth breaking my heart again." Jiyong stated bitterly, knowing full well what would happen if he opened himself back up to that option. "I don't even know if he's into guys, he's always only gone on dates with women."

 

Jae let out a soft chuckle, kissing up to his jaw and this time continuing to the corner of his lips. "Maybe just talk to him, jealousy reveals most people's true feelings." Jae said softly, drawing Jiyong's attention back to him and breaking the intense eye contact. 

 

"That seems to be what everyone tells me." He mumbled, leaning in and pressing a kiss to the corner of Jae's lips in return. "Do you really think I have a shot?" He asked, genuinely wanting the other's outside opinion.

 

Jae hummed softly, steadying Jiyong with a fond look. "Actually talk to him, and if it doesn't work out, give me a call because he'd have to be an idiot to pass up on a stunning guy like you." He said, and Jiyong felt his cheeks heat up at the confidence in his voice, giving him a bright grin and pressing a sweet peck to his lips before fishing his phone out of his jeans, unlocking it and handing it to Jae to put his number in. Once everything was exchanged he gave Jae one last grin, the taller ruffling his hair before they parted ways. 

 

Jiyong didn't bother looking towards Seunghyun again as he headed for Youngbae, slipping next to him to tell him he was going out for a cigarette if they needed him, not even waiting for Youngbae's nod that he heard him before slipping away and heading out of the club. Jiyong let out a content sigh once the cool night air hit him, walking around the building and into an alleyway right next door. He dug out his cigarette carton and lighter, plucking one from the box and placing it between his lips, lighting it swiftly. Jiyong took a deep drag, the feeling of Seunghyun's eyes on him like that haunting him. He closed his eyes, leaning back into the brick wall as he plucked the cigarette from his lips, exhaling the smoke into the night air. Jiyong smoked the entire cigarette before putting it out against the wall and throwing it away in the trashcan, feeling like he could even go for a second cigarette but denying himself it. He still needed to talk to Seunghyun, even if it wasn't tonight in the end. He headed back inside, walking straight for his seat, but before he could get there someone caught his elbow, making him tense and gasp in surprise, about to throw a punch before he recognized Seunghyun's intense stare for a split second before he was dragged back out of the club. Jiyong stumbled after him, hissing out cusses before they stopped back in the alley he was just in a few seconds ago. 

 

 

 

"What the  _fuck_ Seunghyun." Jiyong hissed, yanking his arm free from the older's grip. He stepped away from him, putting a bit of distance between the two of them before steadying Seunghyun with a dark glare.

 

Seunghyun was quiet for a moment, his jaw clenched before he spoke in a gravely voice. "Did you seriously only come out tonight to get wasted and laid, Ji? You haven't done that in years." Seunghyun said, and Jiyong felt anger flare up in him.

 

"Why does that concern  _you_ , huh?" He argued, his body tensed and readied for a fight or to run. "Why the fuck do you suddenly care?"

 

Something flashed through Seunghyun's face, too quick for Jiyong to decipher before Seunghyun suddenly steadied it into a neutral look. "You don't even know him, Ji." He said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why are you letting strangers touch you like that? You  _kissed him_."

 

Jiyong paused, confusion sweeping over his features. "Would  _you_ rather kiss me Seunghyun? Last time I checked you're not my boyfriend!" He hissed, the glare never weakening. "I'm allowed to fuck around if I want to, it doesn't affect you!"

 

"Of course I'd want you to kiss any of us rather than random strangers at a club." Seunghyun argued, finally getting as visibly angry as Jiyong felt. "You said you were done with club hookups a long time ago, why now are you pulling this shit Ji?"

 

"Oh sorry, I would take you up on that but you probably have a date. I wouldn't want to interfere." Jiyong spat bitterly, knowing that nothing he was saying was helping, but he couldn't help it. "Just go back to whoever you're dating and forget about it, I don't need you watching my every move!"

 

Seunghyun's eyes flared, and  _good, that's what Jiyong felt for so long._  "Is that what it's about?" Seunghyun hissed back, crowding Jiyong in near the wall. "Me dating again? Is that it?" 

 

Jiyong felt small compared to Seunghyun now, but didn't back down, he couldn't this far in. The stakes were too high and he was too bitter about everything. "I don't give a _shit_ about who you date!" He lied, tears stinging his eyes.

 

_He should have had that extra cigarette._

 

"What the fuck are you avoiding me for then?! I know it's only me, so just fucking  _man up_ and tell me, or stop your games Ji!" Seunghyun blew, and Jiyong flinched back into the wall. He didn't want to have to tell him this way, well, he never wanted to have to tell him at all. 

 

"I'm trying to get over you, you fucking  _asshole_!" Jiyong blew up right back, tears quickly welling up in his eyes before starting to fall down his cheeks. "I've given up and I'm done, okay?! Just leave me alone and I'll be back to normal in a while, I just need fucking  _time_ right now to get better!" Jiyong spat, pushing back Seunghyun with all his strength and then bolting out of there as quick as he could. 

 

The tears made his vision blurred, but after a few minutes of sprinting back, he made it to his apartment complex and rushed into the elevator, finally letting the sobs wrack his body as the doors closed and the elevator moved. He stumbled down his hallway and into his apartment, before closing the door, locking it with the deadbolt, and then sliding down the door and collapsing to the floor, fully breaking at that point.

 

Why couldn't Seunghyun just let him have fun tonight? Why did he have to corner Jiyong like that? He just wanted to drink and forget about him tonight, but it completely backfired and now his heart hurt all over again. Plus, Seunghyun probably was disgusted with him the moment he mentioned getting over him.

 

 

_Why couldn't Seunghyun love him, or at least give him time to get over him?_

 

 

 

Jiyong didn't come out of his apartment for a week, calling into his job and using his sick days to cover the time. He must have turned his phone off after the calls wouldn't stop getting forwarded through do not disturb, or maybe it died? All he knew was the buzzing finally stopped around day three. 

 

Holing himself up alone was all he knew to do; Youngbae couldn't help this time, the cut was too deep and too personal. 

 

He didn't know how many times he passed out from exhaustion, only to wake up crying because even in his  _dreams_ he couldn't get rid of Seunghyun. It was an endless cycle, and for the first three days, he never left the safety of his bed. The fourth day he couldn't ignore how  _hungry_ he was so he managed to drag himself out of bed and eat something easy to make from what he had left in his kitchen. He couldn't supply the energy to do much else, so Jiyong went back to bed and slept there until the next day.

 

At the week mark, he plugged his into the charger so he could text Youngbae, after seeing that yeah, it had died.

 

His phone immediately started buzzing once it turned on, and Jiyong ignored everything except Youngbae's messages and calls, guilt flooding through him as he read through them.

 

 

 

_**(Friday, 1:43 AM)** _

**Bae:**

 

Ji where did you go???

 

get home safe

 

 

_**(Saturday, 2:19 PM)** _

**Bae** **:**

 

Hyung told me what happened, pick up your phone

 

Ji for once in your life don't close yourself off again

 

we all care about you

 

stay safe and eat

 

 

_**(Monday, 5:41 PM)** _

**Bae:**

 

I stopped by but you didn't answer the door

 

just don't do anything rash Ji

 

 

_**(Wednesday, 12:24 PM)** _

**Bae:**

 

your work called me to ask how you were doing since I'm your only other contact

 

shower if you haven't yet

 

 

_**(Thursday, 7:50 PM)** _

**Bae:**

  

you have a day to get back to me before I call the landlord and get him to break down your door

 

 

_**(Friday, 1:13 PM)** _

**Bae:**

 

I'm stopping by after work

 

if you don't answer your door is coming off its hinges

 

 

 

That was the last message, and Jiyong felt tears springing to his eyes at the texts. He forgot Youngbae would come after him in a heartbeat when he holed himself up, but this time it was more severe to where even Youngbae wasn't someone he'd wanted around. 

 

He checked the time, seeing that it was around the time when Youngbae was on the way home before Jiyong immediately called the older.

 

It rang twice before Youngbae picked up, making Jiyong let out a breath in relief. If Youngbae was angry at him, he wouldn't have picked up so easily.

 

_"Kwon fucking Jiyong I'm on my way home from work, open the damn door when I knock."_

 

"I'm sorry." He croaked out, his voice rough and scratchy from crying and not talking for a week,

 

_"I'm not mad, but you're opening that door."_

 

"I will, Bae."

 

 

And true to his word, when Youngbae knocked on his apartment door, Jiyong stumbled to it and pulled it open as quickly as he could.

 

He must look like complete shit, just in his boxers after finally taking off the clubbing outfit halfway through the week. His hair still had gel in it, so it was sticking up everywhere. His eyes were bloodshot still, and the skin around them finally had calmed down. His nose was raw from wiping it so often, and lips had already bled a few times through the week from how chapped they'd become. 

 

"I'm sorry." He tried again, and Youngbae just rolled his eyes and pushed the door open all the way, moving into the apartment and not waiting for Jiyong to invite him inside. The younger grunted in surprise before shutting the door, redoing the locks so no one else could come in. "I haven't showered yet, but I've tried to eat." He said softly, plopping down on his small couch, and curling in a bit on himself. 

 

"You need to talk to Seunghyun." Youngbae stated as he sat down next to Jiyong, the latter freezing and tensing up abruptly. 

 

"Why are you-" He began, but Youngbae immediately cutting him off.

 

"I talked to him after that night, and you need to hear him out," Youngbae said, letting Jiyong press into his side. "I didn't tell him more than you told him that night, but if you let him talk to you, you'll be surprised." The older explained, and Jiyong just grunted and stayed quiet before speaking again in a few moments.

 

"What did he say?" Jiyong asked quietly, and Youngbae made a soft hum in disapproval.

 

"You know I can't tell you, you two need to figure this out because it's hurting both of you, Ji."

 

Jiyong was quiet for a while, just calmly sitting with Youngbae, his energy still exhausted. 

 

"Is he okay..?" Jiyong asked quiet enough to barely be heard, but luckily Youngbae caught his voice.

 

"He was pretty messed up the first couple days, but now he's worried if  _you're_ okay. Maybe read his texts, they should give you an idea." Youngbae explained, and Jiyong slowly nodded, letting out a soft sigh.

 

They stayed like that for about an hour, Youngbae catching him up on everything in their group and what they've been up to. After that time, the older finally fussed until Jiyong got up and moved to his bathroom, needing a shower. 

 

"I'll see you soon?" Jiyong asked, watching Youngbae head to his door and nod in affirmative. "Okay, stay safe Bae." He called as he moved to the bathroom, finally stripping his underwear and climbing into the shower.

 

Jiyong turned on the shower, letting the water cascade over him as it heated up. As much as Seunghyun broke him and stomped on his heart, he couldn't help but let his mind wander back to the night they argued and Jiyong ran, the memory of Seunghyun's eyes on him through all that, the way Jiyong instantly felt small when Seunghyun had crowded him against the wall. He felt his body heat up as his mind ran with those feelings and memories, easily twisting them into an idea of what it would feel like to be dating Seunghyun and to get him jealous, to get him all riled up until he corners him alone. A rough shutter ran through his body, keeping his eyes closed as he rested his forehead against the tile of the shower, an internal war raging through him to decide if he should actually allow himself to do this.

 

He was fucking  _weak_ , but he wouldn't forgive himself if he went that deep.

 

"Fuck..." He grumbled, taking a moment before pushing off the shower wall and beginning to wash his hair and body groggily. He finally rinsed out his hair, the conditioner slipping from his head before he finished and turned off the water. He slipped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist before he headed back to the couch, grabbing his phone before back to his room. 

 

He needed to check what Seunghyun said and actually reach out to him.

 

_Jiyong could do this._

 

He quickly tapped on Seunghyun's contact and pressed the small 'call' before he could overthink it and stop himself. It rang and rang for what felt like forever and Jiyong began to feel doubt curl in his stomach, before what seemed to be the last ring the line picked up.

 

_"Ji?"_

 

The younger melted at hope in Seunghyun's voice, fiddling with the towel's strings in his lap from where he was sitting on his bed.

 

"Hey Seunghyun." He mumbled nervously, and he heard a soft sigh in relief echo through the line.

 

 _"Please tell me you've been taking care of yourself."_ Seunghyun said, his voice gentle like he was afraid of making Jiyong run away again.

 

Jiyong let out a soft hum, laying back against the bed. "I've done my best, Youngbae came over today and checked on me." The younger said, his voice soft as he relaxed naturally with the older.

 

 _"Ah,"_ Seunghyun murmured, his tone changing slightly. _"I really need to talk to you in person, Ji. I can pick up some dinner from that takeout restaurant by my place if you want, just let me know when you're free."_ The older man said softly across the line, and Jiyong could hear rustling around in the background. 

 

"If you want, you can come over tonight." Jiyong offered quietly, gazing up at the ceiling. "If you don't want to it's okay- you might have other plans alrea-"

 

 _"I'll come over tonight, it's not a big deal."_ Seunghyun cut him off with a soft, fond laugh, and Jiyong felt his heart melt just at the fact that the laugh was shared with  _him_ even after everything went down. _"I'll pick up the food and head over around eight, that sound okay?"_

 

"Sounds perfect." Jiyong hummed, almost leaning into how much that sounded like their old routine, the one that Jiyong had abruptly ended out of selfishness when he found out about the date months ago.

 

There was a bit more shuffling around before Seunghyun spoke again. _"M'kay Ji, I'll see you then."_ He said, his voice soft and almost vulnerable again, making Jiyong's heart almost jump out of his chest. 

 

"See you, hyung" Jiyong murmured before he heard the line go dead. 

 

He held the phone to his ear for a little while longer, before he finally dropped it beside him. Jiyong was certain that he is fucked, but he could do this. Any questions Seunghyun threw at him, Jiyong would answer in entire honesty. If he wanted to know how long, Jiyong would tell him, but he would follow it up with the fact that he's trying to get better, and it would go back to normal again when Jiyong recovered.

 

 _He could do this_ , he repeated over and over to himself, moving through the apartment after putting on a pair of boxer-briefs, sweatpants and a loose tank top.  _Seunghyun knew now, so the biggest issue was already taken out._

 

 

 

 

Jiyong lost himself in actually tidying the apartment, fixing the damage he'd done in the week he was trying to piece himself together like a broken window. 

 

Three knocks on his door startled him more than it should have, making him jump what felt like a foot into the air. He was here, Seunghyun was actually serious about talking everything out. 

 

He hesitated a moment before he moved over to the door, swinging it open to reveal the man of his problems, standing in the hallway with a soft, relaxed grin on his lips. 

 

"Hey..." He breathed and opened the door fully, allowing Seunghyun to walk inside. 

 

"Hey Ji." Came Seunghyun's deep rumble, the sound that Jiyong  _refused_ to melt at that already. He couldn't make it through the conversation if he let himself slip this early on. 

 

Jiyong swiftly shut the door and locked it out of habit, passing by Seunghyun as the taller toed off his shoes, and into the kitchen, grabbing the wine bottle and two glasses before plopping down on one side of the couch and getting comfortable. He gently accepted the take out container passed to him, opening it and grinning brightly at the fact that Seunghyun still remembered his favorite order. As Seunghyun finally took a seat on the couch, Jiyong popped open the wine bottle and poured them two glasses to go along with the food. Jiyong easily passed the glass to the older man's hand, fully ignoring how their hands brushed as the glass was passed. Seunghyun murmured out a soft 'thank you', and Jiyong merely nodded as he took a sip from his own glass. It was quiet for a long time until they were halfway through their food to be precise. It lasted until Jiyong got fed up with how calm and relaxed Seunghyun looked, eyes directed to the tv show that was playing.

 

"You wanted to talk, so you can ask me anything you want to know." Jiyong said quietly, breaking the serene silence that had established it's self between them. 

 

Seunghyun's eyes turned to him immediately, surprise flickering through them as he searched over Jiyong's features before settling to catch the younger's eyes, finishing chewing the bite he'd taken before he spoke. "Anything?"

 

Jiyong let out a soft grunt, but nodded his head, breaking the eye contact as he took another bite of his food, trying to calm himself down. It was easier this way, having Seunghyun ask and Jiyong answer, he didn't know how much the older actually wanted to be aware of.

 

"Have you texted the guy from the night at the club?" Came the first question, catching Jiyong off guard for the first thing the older wanted to know, but it wasn't an entire surprise that he'd ask about that eventually.

 

"No, I haven't." He replied easily swallowing the bite before taking a light sip of the wine, thinking to himself that  _maybe he should have gotten at least to a buzz before starting to talk about everything._

 

Seunghyun let out a soft hum, taking another bite of his food, a smaller one, but allowing Jiyong to have a second before he spoke again with the second question. "Why did you call me crying that afternoon?"

 

Jiyong tensed a bit, his movement's stuttering before he quickly steadied himself. "It genuinely was an accident, I meant to dial Youngbae and must have clicked on the wrong contact." He said softly, taking another small bite of his food.

 

This time, Seunghyun fired another question right after Jiyong finished speaking. "Why were you crying, Ji?"

 

Jiyong froze fully this time, blinking a bit before slowly finishing the bite, swallowing and staying quiet for a moment before speaking. "How honest do you want me to be..?" He asked, his voice just above a whisper, wanting nothing but to go back to earlier phone call and tell Seunghyun to come another day at this point.

 

"I want you to be completely honest, don't hold anything back." Seunghyun firmly said, and Jiyong felt dread creep up his spine.

 

"I saw your date's snapchat of you two, you looked really happy in it, and I let it get to me." He finally admitted quietly, taking another sip of his wine, before continuing. "I hadn't seen you smile like that for a while now, so I got jealous. I got so jealous that I just kind of... Broke." He finished with a small, bitter smile tugging at his lips.

 

Seunghyun didn't respond immediately, but he didn't make any move to his glass or food in his lap. He just sat there, probably still looking straight at Jiyong if the familiar burn he felt of the side of his face meant anything. "What did you mean when you said you had given up?" Seunghyun asked, but his voice was back to a soft, gentle hum.

 

"I was in love with you, Seunghyun." He said, not holding back just like the older had asked. "I was in love with you for a long ass time, pathetic really, but once you went on that date, I gave up. Youngbae helped me through the worst of it, he can tell you how bad it's burned me time after time." Jiyong explained, knocking back the rest of the wine in his glass, trying to calm down the instincts that were telling him  _'you fucking idiot, what are you doing?!'_.

 

"How long?" Seunghyun immediately asked again, and Jiyong felt a bit sick to his stomach at this point. He wasn't going to cry, he didn't have any tears left for Seunghyun, but he could still puke.

 

"Five years." He breathed, saying it out loud finally making that fact real; making it sting so much more. "Back in high school, I can't put my finger on when it started officially, but I knew the feeling hit me when you took that girl to prom. That's why I disappeared from the scene, I'd realized finally that I was in love with you."

 

Seunghyun was quiet once again, still not moving and that made Jiyong's anxiety go through the roof. He was probably disgusted that his best friend since middle school was in love with him, maybe he was just torturing Jiyong with the questions at this point- "Why did you give up this time if you've been hurting for five years, Ji?"

 

Jiyong let out a dry chuckle, forced and fake at that question. He leaned away to pour himself another glass of wine with shaky hands, almost filling it to the brim. He was going to need it, as he just found out. "You've obviously never been in love, because it feels like you'd rather die than let go." He said a bit bitterly, void of any hope or anything akin to it. "And after five years of trying to, it's the final nail in the coffin when they start dating and don't even tell you."

 

"It wasn't a date."

 

Jiyong scoffed, turning his eyes back to Seunghyun as he felt the bitterness seep into his veins again, taking root there and spreading even further into his bones. "She clearly thought it was, so I don't give a shit- She made you happier than I was able to, and it fucking  _burned!_ " Jiyong hissed, gripping his wine glass tightly. He didn't want this, he didn't want Seunghyun to tell him everything was okay and it was all fine. He'd rather have the older hate him before that happened.

 

Seunghyun went silent, his lips pressed into a thin line as Jiyong's narrowed eyes pinned him there, ready to fire back at any comment he was going to make. It never came and in turn, Jiyong turned away with a grimace, taking a big gulp of the wine in his glass. Maybe if he got alcohol in his veins it would balance out the bitterness residing there.

 

"That tipped me to the point where I broke, Seunghyun." He stated, his voice exhausted at this point, but not giving up the conversation just yet. "I've tried to get you to look at me like that for  _five years_ , and she could get it in one day. I finally accepted I just didn't have any chance at all, so I stomped on my heart and decided I was done." 

 

Another pause resided between them, and yet again, Jiyong wished Seunghyun would just scream, yell at him, tell him how pathetic Jiyong had been because that would have better than what was happening now. 

 

"Why didn't you just talk to me?" Seunghyun asked, his voice soft and vulnerable, just like the younger's had been.

 

Jiyong closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before opening them and setting everything on the coffee table. He turned to Seunghyun and steadied him with a raw, completely open expression of heartbreak, but also secured acceptance. "Because I would have broken and ask you for anything that you would give me, no matter how small it was." He said softly, leaning back against the couch, not turning his body away again. If Seunghyun wanted to talk, he could handle how much of a mess Jiyong actually was under the shell he'd created for the outside world. "And if I had gotten a taste of it, I would have never been able to move on." Jiyong explained the best he could.

 

He watched Seunghyun process the words before those eyes directly met his own, repressing a shutter that threatened to take over his body. 

 

"Jiyong, I'm gay."

 

At that, Jiyong's world fell down from what he'd constructed in his mind. He couldn't do anything with that information, it wasn't important anymore, right?

 

"Why are you telling me this now?" Jiyong asked, letting out a soft sigh and running a hand through his hair, trying to collect all of his thoughts together and stop them from running wild.

 

Seunghyun didn't pause this time, firing again as he had before. "I don't know if it's love, but I know my feelings are different for you than any of the other guys."

 

Jiyong froze and his features hardened, anger flooding his veins immediately. "Don't you fucking  _dare_ give me false hope you asshole!" He hissed loudly, feeling his hands start to shake in panic. 

 

Seunghyun flinched a bit but didn't back down. "I wouldn't fucking  _say it_ if I didn't think it was true!" The older growled right back but didn't panic like Jiyong was, at least from what he could see. "I've felt like this for  _years_ , but I just haven't had to label it or acknowledge before now. I thought it was normal, but then I explained it to Youngbae and he said that it wasn't just friendly feelings." 

 

Jiyong was buzzing with a flood of feelings, it was too much, Jiyong felt tears running down his cheeks. He didn't want this, why did this hurt more than the jealousy he'd felt? "Please don't do this to me, Seunghyun." He begged, his voice wrecked as he pressed into the couch away from the older, even if they were still on opposite sides of the couch.

 

"I'm trying to get you to understand I want to try dating you, Ji. I can't promise anything, but I want to try to see if it's what we both want." Seunghyun said firmly, but not with the aggressive tone in his voice from a second ago.

 

Jiyong couldn't handle that, he couldn't process that those words were anything but a sick joke being played on him. He thought he'd ran out of tears.  Before he could process the couch dipping, Seunghyun was close to him, one of his hands taking Jiyong's in his own and lacing their fingers. "It's not a joke, Jiyong. I genuinely want to try this between us, I want to go on silly dates to the art exhibits we like and buy ice cream and walk you home. I don't joke about these things, you know that."

 

Jiyong _did_ know that Seunghyun was telling the truth in the back of his mind, that he never would do something like that to Jiyong, but his mind was in overdrive trying to protect him from fully breaking to a point where he couldn't be put back together. "I'll break fully if w-we try this and i-it doesn't work." He sobbed, clutching to Seunghyun's hand to anchor himself, the careful lids on his feelings he'd kept closed for five years threatening to fly open.

 

"I've had these months to think about it, Ji. I'm sure about this, if I didn't think it would work I would have never told you." Seunghyun explained, and with that, all the emotions he'd kept bottled up slammed into Jiyong.

 

In the next few seconds clambered onto Seunghyun's lap, the sobs never letting up as he pressed close to the older man and clung to him. He didn't leave any room between them, holding tight as if the older was going to disappear or he might wake up and it would be just a dream. It was almost surreal, having Seunghyun actually say that to him. Even just Seunghyun giving him a chance, even one date would fill up Jiyong's heart enough if Seunghyun decided they wouldn't work. He was going to be okay, Seunghyun wasn't disgusted by him.

 

"W-Will you let me l-l-love you...?" He stumbled out, his tears soaking through Seunghyun's shirt, shaking a bit from the sudden abrupt emotions flowing through him.

 

Seunghyun let out a soft chuckle, wrapping his arms around Jiyong almost possessively, making the younger's mind reel at the feeling of being in those arms, _S_ _eunghyun's_ arms. "It'll take getting used to, but yeah, as long as you let me try to learn to love you in return." He replied, and Jiyong's heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest.

 

 

 

They stayed like that for what felt like forever, Jiyong just trying to calm down from the rush, the sobs quieting down slowly, and his grip slowly loosening as the tension left his body. A few minutes after he'd finally calmed down and his breathing had steadied out, he slowly lifted his head from Seunghyun's shoulder and rubbed his eyes groggily.

 

"Take your time, hyung, don't push yourself to love me. I was happy with your friendship for years." He said quietly, needing to get that out there for Seunghyun, needing for him to understand that Jiyong didn't expect him to suddenly change. 

 

Seunghyun gave him a soft, fond grin, and Jiyong felt his heart melt all over again like he was falling in love with him for the first time again. "Thank you, Ji. And thank you for giving me the chance even though you'd already given up."

 

Jiyong didn't tell him that no matter what Seunghyun did, he would give him the world, because he thought that Seunghyun didn't deserve any less. Jiyong didn't know if  _he_ even deserved Seunghyun, but he sure as hell wasn't going to give him up easily now that he had him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It took a whole month for Jiyong to even muster up the courage to kiss Seunghyun goodbye  _on the cheek_ , so he could safely say they were taking everything just as it happened, not rushing anything. 

 

He was confident that they were going to be okay.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Boldness finally struck him one day a few months into the relationship when Seunghyun was sleeping over for a movie night. Jiyong had been playfully teasing Seunghyun all night, begging him until the older helped him make the homemade cookies he'd been craving.

 

The younger slipped over to Seunghyun before quickly reeling back and slapping the older's ass, leaving a hand print on his ass in the stark white flour he'd coated his hand in moments before. Seunghyun let out a loud sound in surprise, apparently not thinking Jiyong would do this to him to get back at him for the butter he'd smeared on Jiyong's face earlier.

 

"Oh, now you've done it." Seunghyun said playfully threateningly, making Jiyong let out a squeak in fear before he turned and ran before Seunghyun could spin and catch him immediately. 

 

He'd only made it five steps out of the kitchen before firm arms wrapped around his waist, lifting him off the ground, spinning him around and heading right back into the kitchen. Jiyong let out a loud laugh, squirming a bit in his arms in a playful attempt to get free. After a few more seconds he was put down on the ground and cornered into the kitchen counter, this time facing Seunghyun with his arms trapping him on either side against the counter.

 

"Hyung~" He whined, pressing back into the counter, not any idea of how Seunghyun was going to get back at him this time. The ball was in Seunghyun's field now, and Jiyong had already used his turn. A soft pout rested on his lips as he gazed up him, pressing his hands against Seunghyun's chest as he watched the older simply flash him a mischievous grin before he leaned in.

 

Jiyong made a noise of surprise as Seunghyun's lips pressed lightly into his lips, just a brief glide of touch before the older was pulling back. He blinked a bit, eyes wide and lips parted a bit in shock, a bright blush creeping onto his cheeks. It took him a second, but he came back to and made a noise of protest, leaning forward and raising on his tiptoes to press their lips firmly back together. Seunghyun let out a soft laugh into the kiss before leaning into the kiss again, his lips slotting against Jiyong's almost like they were made for each other. It was everything Jiyong had thought it would be, kissing Seunghyun was so _easy_ and lit up every nerve in his body. 

 

Seunghyun pressed him back against the counter, his body pinning Jiyong there as the younger's hands tightened their hold in his shirt. He let Seunghyun lead the kiss, easily handing the control over to him. As the kiss deepened Jiyong's hold on the shirt tightened, parting his lips once he felt Seunghyun part his own. Jiyong let out a muffled moan the first time Seunghyun's tongue met his, gliding over his with practiced ease, making him feel like he was melting into the older's touch all over again. The kiss quickly became more passionate once the initial shyness and nerves wore off, both becoming bolder in their movements. Seunghyun took his bottom lip between his teeth and tugged, and in retaliation, Jiyong tugged on the taller's hair roughly before pressing his lips back into Seunghyun's.

 

Jiyong had to pull away after a few more seconds, parting their lips and moving to rest his forehead on Seunghyun's shoulder, trying to catch his breath. 

 

"Who have you been kissing like that to be that damn good, Mr. Choi?" He asked teasingly, a playful lilt in his voice.

 

A bright laugh echoed from Seunghyun at that, pressing a gentle kiss to Jiyong's temple before he pulled his body away, going back to where he was rolling the dough into balls and flattening them. "I've probably kissed as many people as you have, Mr. Kwon, don't be surprised."

 

 

He wasn't, but what he _did_ feel was a surge of possessiveness, so he allowed him to slide over there and capture his lips once more since now he could do this. Jiyong was  _his_ now, and even if Seunghyun didn't say he loved Jiyong back this moment, he felt that through his actions, Seunghyun was his too.

 

 

* * *

 

  

Months later, five months after that night everything was said, Jiyong and Seunghyun were making out on the couch in their  _now shared_ apartment in the middle of their movie night. It started out with Jiyong leaning in teasingly after he made an off-handed comment about the actor being decently attractive, which he didn't really mean to be taken that serious, but before he knew it he was pinned to the couch under the older man too quick for him to even process. 

 

"Hyung I-" He started to explain, not wanting Seunghyun to take it too personally and get wrapped up in his thoughts, but before he could, Seunghyun leaned down and pressed their lips together in a rough kiss. Jiyong let out a soft sound in surprise, but his eyes quickly fluttered shut and he began to match the kiss the best he could with Seunghyun nipping his lips, sucking them into his mouth, dominating the kiss in an almost possessive way. The younger simply let him, not protesting in the slightest even if he was confused on why the older was suddenly rilled up like that. 

 

"Hyung..." He murmured, once Seunghyun parted their lips to begin kissing down Jiyong's neck, the rough nips and sucking never letting up. "Seunghyun I didn't-  _ah_ \- I didn't mean it like that." Jiyong tried to reason, but getting briefly interrupted by Seunghyun making a rough, demanding hickey on his neck that probably wouldn't go away anytime soon. 

 

Seunghyun let out a soft huff of air, not letting up for a few moments, before finally pulling back enough to look at Jiyong. There, Jiyong saw Seunghyun's eyes flicker with jealousy and possessiveness.

 

Oh.

 

_Oh._

 

"I don't want him Seunghyun, I want  _you_ , remember?" He reasoned his hands that had rested on the older's finally moving and going to thread through the other's dark hair. "I'm certain no one could sway that, I've loved you for a long time, it's not going to change just because I thought the actors on the show were an attractive couple." He said with a soft chuckle, amusement dancing in his eyes. 

 

"Then why would you say it?" Seunghyun grumbled, dipping back to Jiyong's neck, giving the other side the same treatment, but a bit more loving and careful this time.

 

Jiyong grunted and tilted his head to the side a bit, offering up more skin in response before answering. "I genuinely didn't mean anything by it." He said honestly, his breath hitching at the rough nip to his skin. "Why would I want them when I have the most handsome, funny, sexy man in the world right in my arms?" Jiyong said with a soft grin pulling on his lips.

 

Seunghyun let out a soft noise, but didn't move to stop his actions, kissing down Jiyong's neck this time and to his collar bones that were peeking out from the borrowed hoodie. 

 

Before he could stop himself, he let out a soft sound as Seunghyun shifted a bit, accidentally rubbing their groins together. Jiyong's hands tightened their grip as he tried to come back from that small flicker of lust that just ran through his body. 

 

While they hadn't gone all the way yet, they sure as hell had done most everything but that. Jiyong had gotten his mouth on Seunghyun countless times in the recent months, quickly figuring out that the older has a fixation with his mouth. Seunghyun had unraveled Jiyong just as much though, from jerking them both off together, blowing him, and much to Jiyong's embarrassment, the few times Jiyong had gotten off on Seunghyun's lap, fully clothed, just to the words Seunghyun would quietly murmur into his ear. But they had never gone all the way, a mutual unspoken agreement between them. 

 

But Jiyong had always been an impulsive person.

 

"Seunghyun..." He hummed into the open air, feeling Seunghyun's movements slow to indicate he was listening. "You want to fuck me..?" Jiyong asked, instantly feeling Seunghyun tense under his hands. The implications from the words that Jiyong had just casually spoke catching the other off guard.

 

Seunghyun took a deep breath, giving it a second before he pulled back to look directly at Jiyong, who met his eyes confidently. "You're sure?" Seunghyun asked, and Jiyong nodded with a soft hum, a soft smile pulling at the edge of his lips. He would have willingly given himself over to Seunghyun even the first date if the older had wanted it, so by now, Jiyong had no hesitations.

 

Before he could properly speak again he was suddenly lifted from the couch, drawing out a loud squawk in surprise as he quickly wrapping his limbs around Seunghyun and clinging to him as Seunghyun got up from the couch. The older easily carried him to their bedroom, tossing him on the bed and drawing another squawk out of him, but a bright laugh quickly followed. The taller slipped on the bed with him, a grin on his lips that matched Jiyong's. Seunghyun leaned over him, arms on either side of Jiyong's head as he swooped in, capturing the younger's lips easily, naturally by now. By now they easily slotted together, knowing each other's bodies like their own by now, probably even more than their own actually. 

 

"Mm, love you..." Jiyong murmured contently as Seunghyun pulled away after a few minutes of kissing in favor to kiss down his neck again. He took everything that Seunghyun gave him with an almost greedy eagerness that his boyfriend always drew out of him, something that Jiyong usually would hold back in relationships. His love was like a wildfire, consuming everyone involved, the intensity of feelings that he felt most of the times for Seunghyun. Seunghyun never backed down though, encouraging Jiyong to let himself feel everything, allowing him to have bad days where he didn't want to be touched, where everything got to be too much. Seunghyun didn't love like he did, it was more of a calm, steady flow for the older from what he could see; kind of like ocean waves.

 

Before he knew it, his shirt was rucked up to his armpits, immediate kisses to his chest drawing a soft giggle out of him before he sat up a bit to take it off and get it out-of-the-way. Seunghyun's lips never left his skin, traveling across his chest before finally licking over one of his nipples. Jiyong let out a soft squeak, his hips jerking a bit as he felt himself already getting hard in his pants. Before he could recover from the sudden attention, Seunghyun sealed his lips around the bud and  _sucked_ , dragging a sharp cry from Jiyong as his body shuddered instinctively. Seunghyun didn't let up though if anything, the reaction just fueled the other's drive. Seunghyun's mouth kept abusing the nub, nipping, sucking, and licking until Jiyong was squirming beneath him, switching to the other nipple until Jiyong was fully moaning and whining from it, his cock fully hard in his pants. 

 

"Se-Seunghyun please- please- please-..." He begged, not to the point of uncontrolled rambling, but his voice was already hitching. 

 

A few seconds later Seunghyun finally pulled back and moved back up to Jiyong's lips and reconnecting their lips a heated way. Jiyong, in turn, melted into the kiss, a soft, calmer noise humming from them as he kissed back just as hungry for whatever Seunghyun was going to give him. He reached down, sliding his hands under Seunghyun's shirt to explore his stomach and chest before pushing his shirt up just like the older had done with his own. Seunghyun lifted up a bit, stripping off his shirt quickly before pressing his lips back to Jiyong's. The younger slid his hand all over Seunghyun as he opened his mouth easily for him, allowing him to slip his tongue into his mouth with each slide of their lips. After a few moments, he moved his hands to Seunghyun's back, taking a chance and raking his pretty blunt nails down the expanse of skin. The reaction was immediate as Seunghyun let out a low groan, almost a growl, before rolling his hips roughly into the ones below him. Jiyong let out a shameless load moan into the kiss, wrapping his legs around Seunghyun's waist and grinding his hips back into the older's. 

 

"Hurry up..." He whined against his lips, rolling his hips against Seunghyun's a bit more roughly, both of their cocks rubbing together through their pants and he could feel precum pool in his underwear already. 

 

Seunghyun let out a soft huff of a chuckle, pressing into a few more swipes of their lips before finally pulling away. "Eager are we?" Seunghyun teased lightly before slipping off Jiyong and standing up, Jiyong followed his lead and quickly slipping off his pants and underwear as the older did the same. 

 

"Yeah, I've wanted you in me for a long time now." He said, a playful tone slipping into his voice as he climbed back on the bed, waiting for Seunghyun to come back. "About five years now, probably." He joked, a goofy grin slipping onto his lips as he watched from his spot as Seunghyun got lube from a drawer, before eyeing him as he got a condom. "I-... I'm clean if you want to go raw, but it's fine if you don't- Either way, I just really want you, hyung." He stumbled out, rambling a bit nervously as he slowly became flustered, trying to call back his confidence from earlier as his face and ears heated up in a dark blush. Seunghyun paused, watching amusedly Jiyong stumble through what he was staying before actually giving any reaction. He softly laughed, tossing the condom back into the drawer before shutting it and heading back over to Jiyong and climbing back on the bed. The moment he got close to Jiyong the younger was pulled into a kiss, this time softer and more loving as Seunghyun settled back between his legs, both fully undressed now. Jiyong melted into the kiss, relaxing from Seunghyun's touch easily. The kiss was short compared to the ones before, but Jiyong held himself back from chasing after his boyfriend's lips when he pulled away.

 

"I'm clean too, so no worries Ji." Seunghyun murmured, popping open the bottle of lube and coating three fingers in it from what Jiyong guessed. 

 

The younger debated on telling him a small detail, but it was momentarily wiped from his mind when one of those fingers was suddenly at his ass, circling his hole before slowly pushing in. Jiyong let out a soft noise in surprise, but he wasn't complaining at all. Once Seunghyun's digit was all the way in up to his base knuckle, he tried speaking. "I've never-  _fuck_ \- I've never let anyone finger me before." He admitted, his cheeks bright red from where his head was angled against the pillows. 

 

He felt Seunghyun pause, and Jiyong was scrambling to meet his eyes, scared he'd said something wrong, but what he found was reassurance enough that he hadn't messed up. Seunghyun was staring at Jiyong with that same possessive gleam in his eyes as earlier, but all the jealousy was entirely gone now. "Why?" He asked simply, and curl the finger in a way Jiyong recognized from the years he'd gotten off with his  _own_ , and stars broke out through his peripherals as Seunghyun pressed hard against his prostate.  _God, that felt so much better with Seunghyun doing it._

 

Jiyong would have shrugged at the question if he wasn't falling apart so damn quickly in Seunghyun's hands, so instead, he settled for shaking his head slightly. "I-It made it less personal." He said honestly, before letting out a soft ' _nnn_ ' in pleasure when the older moved his finger, thrusting it a few times before adding in a second finger.

 

Seunghyun let out a soft hum, his fingers moving again to thrust in and out, slowly making a scissoring them gently to stretch him. "You've never done this with someone in a relationship?" Seunghyun asked, and Jiyong let out a soft grunt at the question.

 

"I never- I never officially dated anyone since high school." Jiyong stumbled out, the feeling of Seunghyun's fingers already making his mind hazy.

 

The older hesitated for a moment, his finger's pace faltering for a brief second before it steadied out again, a new, more desperate flicker of something close to a proprietorial gleam. He must have just finally realized he was Jiyong's first time being fingered by someone other than himself, that even if Jiyong had most of his firsts with someone else, that Seunghyun still held one of them. He curled his fingers again, and this time Jiyong let out a loud cry of Seunghyun's name, a shudder running through his body. Jiyong pushed his hips to Seunghyun's fingers, a dark blush taking over his cheeks and neck.

 

"Seunghyun I  _n-need you_." He whined, his hands scrambling to tightly grip the sheets under him. The reaction only took a split second, Seunghyun letting out that low grown in his throat. His movements sped up, making quick work of stretching Jiyong enough to fit in a third finger easily. Jiyong let out a needy moan when the finger slipped in, squirming slightly but not moving too much. As soon as Seunghyun didn't feel any resistance he gave Jiyong another curl of his fingers, a loud cry of pleasure before he finally pulled out his fingers. Jiyong let out a soft whine at the sudden emptiness, hips squirming a bit against the bed. 

 

Seunghyun leaned down again, pressing a slow, loving kiss to Jiyong's lips. Jiyong melted into it happily, draping his arms over Seunghyun's shoulders to keep him close as their lips moved with ease together. The kiss dragged out, both getting lost into the feeling of each other for what felt like forever before Seunghyun finally pulled away to breathe.

 

"You're sure you want this?" Seunghyun asked, making sure he had Jiyong's full consent and that he still wanted this tonight. 

 

Jiyong let out a quiet huff of a laugh as he nodded, a soft, loving smile tilting up his lips. "I trust you, Seunghyun." He murmured, leaning up and pressing a gentle peck against Seunghyun's lips before falling back to the bed. 

 

Any tension that Seunghyun was holding visibly melted away from Jiyong's response, the same loving grin mirroring on Seunghyun's lips as he finally sat up. He slid down Jiyong's body, settling fully back between the younger's legs. He watched as Seunghyun popped the cap of the lube open again before spreading a generous amount on his cock, the older letting out a small noise at the friction before tossing the lube to the floor. Jiyong spread his legs even more than they were when he felt Seunghyun line himself up, before leaning down to press a needy but slow kiss to his lips. The moment Jiyong leaned into the kiss, arms circling around the taller's shoulders, he felt Seunghyun begin to push in. Jiyong felt his breath hitch, trying not to move his hips down so both could adjust. It only took a few more seconds for Seunghyun to be fully hilted inside of him, and _fuck_  did it feel like heaven. Jiyong calmed himself down, knowing he could just get off right now to just the fact of how  _full_ Seunghyun was making him feel. They paused there, Jiyong breaking the kiss to catch his breath. About thirty seconds later, Jiyong rolled his hips experimentally and immediately felt a sharp spike of pleasure shoot through his entire body. 

 

" _Fuck,_  please move." He murmured, hearing Seunghyun let out a soft noise in acknowledgment before sitting back up a bit and rolling his hips experimentally. Jiyong let out a soft noise, wrapping his legs around the older's waist loosely. Seunghyun rolled his hips again, more confident this time as he actually pulled out and thrust back in. Jiyong felt his cock twitch against his stomach and precum spill there, going pliant against the bed at how _good_ even this little bit of friction was making him feel. Seunghyun gave a few more thrusts, testing the waters and just feeling each other for the moment.

 

Jiyong panted softly, rolling his hips back slightly to meet each thrust. "You don't have to be so careful with me, you know..." He murmured, pulling him a bit playfully with the heels of his feet on the small of Seunghyun's back, shooting him a playful grin. Immediately Seunghyun had a look of challenge in his eyes, and Jiyong's grin just got wider and more confident. "You could-  _nnn_ \- toss me around and pin me down and I wouldn't be phased, hyung." He teased lightly before he saw Seunghyun's eyes flicker with a quick flash of  _want_ , before the older hid it away again. "Oh?" He hummed, a knowing look crossing his face. He's seen Seunghyun hide away what he wanted in situations like this, and that was a textbook example. "You want to pin me down, babe? Do you want to push me down until I can't move and all I can do is take every thrust you give me?" He said lowly, a sinful grin appearing on his lips. Where Seunghyun didn't like to ask for anything, Jiyong knew from experience by now just how to push and poke at him verbally until Seunghyun acted on the want willingly. "Make me scream until all I can say is your name? Until all I am able to think about is how good you're making me feel?" He pushed farther, letting out a moan when he got a sharp snap of Seunghyun's hips as a reward, the older visibly gradually letting go of the things that were holding him back. "You could probably make me cum untouched easily from how good you feel in me." Jiyong said, his breath hitching when Seunghyun fully pulled out and snapped his hips in roughly, a rough breath quickly is drawn in from the older. "You want to rough me up Seunghyun? You can, if you want to, just let go, baby. I want you to do it."

 

That seemed to quickly break whatever was holding Seunghyun back, his gaze darkening before he sat fully up between Jiyong's legs, his hands resting on the inside of Jiyong's thighs before leaning back down, nearly bending the smaller in half. Jiyong let out a soft sound in surprise but didn't resist any of it, the new angle sending pleasure filled sparks up his spine. Before he could say anything else, Seunghyun drug him into a rough kiss, filled with sheer  _need_ , his hips moving again finally from the brief pause when he'd sat up for that second. The pace Seunghyun immediately set further confirmed that Jiyong had hit the nail on the head with the assumption of what Seunghyun wanted, his hips snapping into Jiyong's with a rough, unrelenting fervor. 

 

Jiyong let out a small yell into the kiss at the sudden increase of speed, his hands going back up to thread his finger through Seunghyun's hair. With every thrust that Seunghyun gave him, Jiyong's body responded immediately, drawing out small sounds of " _nnn_ " and " _ah-_ " with every thrust delivered. As soon as Seunghyun hit his prostate with one hard thrust, he let out a loud yell of a moan,  his hands tightening in Seunghyun's hair and his legs shaking a bit. Seunghyun didn't let up now, angling the thrusts to hit there, resulting in Jiyong melting into a mess of hiccupped moans and babbled out broken words, the only fully formed words where ' _Seunghyun!_ ' and ' _please-_ '. They kept like that for a few minutes, the rough pace never relenting and both sharing messy, uncoordinated kisses through it all. Jiyong's blood was almost boiling at this point, knowing he wasn't going to last much longer from now. 

 

" _Seunghyun_ \- pleas- clo- to close-!" He babbled against Seunghyun's lips, his hands and thighs shaking lightly still, the feeling of just being roughly fucked by him, by  _Seunghyun_ , almost being too much to handle. He felt like he was almost floating in pleasure, very much aware that he was on the line of slipping into his subspace, but holding it off, staying current and present the best he could. Seunghyun let out a soft groan at the information, tongue dipping into his mouth before pulling back enough to meet Jiyong's blown out eyes.

 

"Cum for me, Ji."

 

And just like that, from those simple words, all of Jiyong's control over his own orgasm was snatched from him. He took a gasp of breath before feeling his orgasm rip through his body, letting out an almost scream of Seunghyun's name, clinging tightly to him. He came between their stomachs, the thrusts never relenting as Seunghyun neared his own release. 

 

The moment he felt Seunghyun hesitate and almost pull out, Jiyong was on it. "Ah- You don't want to fill me up?" Jiyong challenged, and from the flash in Seunghyun's pleasure filled eyes, he'd hit the nail on the head yet again. In the next second, Seunghyun was fucking into him again with newfound vigor. Even with the oversensitivity thrumming through him, he moved his hands back to Seunghyun's back and raked his nails down, harder and with more intent this time. It drew a loud groan out of Seunghyun, and he felt his cock twitch just from that simple act. A few seconds later Seunghyun came inside of him with a loud moan ripped from him.  _God,_ if he hadn't already came seconds before that feeling would have made him blow his load immediately. The older rode through his orgasm, his thrusts slowing down rapidly before he finally pulled out of Jiyong and untangled himself from him as he laid down side by side. 

 

Jiyong tried to catch his breath, legs falling back to the bed lazily. Once he finally felt good enough to move again, he rolled over to half lay on Seunghyun, tucking his face into his neck out of habit. "You need to stop holding back, hyung." He murmured against the skin there, feeling an arm snake around his waist and secure it's self there. 

 

Seunghyun let out a soft grunt, not in protest, but not in agreement either. "You're good at finding everything out regardless." He said, his low voice quietly sounding through the room.

 

Jiyong let out a soft, breathy laugh at that, a small grin tugging on his lips. "Only because I already have found out a lot before now. Remember the first time I asked you to fuck my face? I thought you were going to pass out." That earned a loud, embarrassed groan from the older man under, him, just making Jiyong laugh brighter.

 

They stayed wrapped together like that for a few minutes, Jiyong nosing at his neck, and Seunghyun rubbing his thumb over Jiyong's hip before he heard him speak up suddenly.

 

"Jiyong..?" Seunghyun murmured, and he didn't think much of the hesitance in the older's voice, guessing he was just checking on if the smaller man had fallen asleep on him.

 

He hummed softly in to indicate he was listening, shifting a bit against him to get more comfortable and tangle their legs together.

 

 

**"I love you."**

 

 

With that, Jiyong stiffened against him, his heart beginning to race. He'd been okay with the fact that Seunghyun was falling for him from square one, he was okay that whenever he told Seunghyun he loved him, he wasn't going to get those exact words back. Jiyong lifted his head from Seunghyun's neck, climbing on top of him to look him straight in the eye above him. 

 

"You're sure?" He asked, watching for any sign of dishonesty on his features, but all he saw was a look in Seunghyun's eyes that he'd caught briefly before now, but only in brief flashes, now there in full light.

 

"I am." Seunghyun said softly, and Jiyong felt his heart skip a beat, a big goofy grin pulling on his lips.

 

Jiyong leaned down, pressing a happy peck to the older's lips. "Say it again for me?" He asked almost shyly, not wanting to push Seunghyun right now, but wanting to hear that again so badly.

 

"I'm in love with you, Jiyong." Seunghyun said with a soft, fond laugh, and Jiyong let out a soft excited squeal, pressing his lips to Seunghyun's hurriedly. Despite how he began the kiss, he began kissing Seunghyn slowly, pouring his love and adoration into the kiss. Seunghyun kissed back, matching the feel of the kiss easily as he moved his hands to Jiyong's waist. Their lips easily slid against each other, the kiss a bit different than any they had shared before now, both of them holding nothing back now. The kiss lasted a few minutes until they both pulled back out of breath, Jiyong gazing down at Seunghyun with pure adoration. 

 

"I love you." He said a bright grin on his lips again. "I love you so much, you nerd." Jiyong teased, pressing a soft peck to his lips before rolling back off him and standing up from the bed. 

 

Almost immediately, Seunghyun's hand gripped his own, making him look back to the older questioningly. "Where are you going?" Seunghyun almost  _whined_ from the bed, and Jiyong had to hold back a loud laugh at that.

 

"Did your love declaration make you forget your cum is in my ass, Seunghyun?" He said, stifling a laugh as he watched Seunghyun's ears turn a bright red at the bluntness, a soft groan sounding from the older. "C'mon, we can shower together." He said, tugging on Seunghyun's hand who, with a little bit of convincing, did end up in the shower with Jiyong.

 

 

Looking at Seunghyun now, in their shower that bordered too small for two adults, he could feel his heart finally settling and every piece clicking into place. 

 

_It took close to six years now, but loving Seunghyun was something that Jiyong had never regretted, and now, never would trade for the entire world._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I just do that?  
> Yes.
> 
> Did I feel bad doing it to them?  
> Possibly.
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you liked that emotional mess because unrequited love most of the time is NOT pretty. I didn't want to push it too much, and I ended up cutting out a few scenes that I just thought didn't help the entire feel, but this is how it ended up, and I'm not mad at it lol
> 
> Just to give a bit of insight though, I don't want you to take Seunghyun the wrong way, because when you're faced with something that intense in real life, your reactions are scattered and it takes a while to sort everything out. He knew he liked Jiyong, never thought much about it, but talked and explained what he felt for him to Bae and it cleared the fuzz between friendly feelings and romantic feelings. He wasn't in love with Ji when he'd come clean about it, but was more than willing to fall in love with him over time.
> 
> I also??? Might make add this fic??? It depends???? Maybe??? I just really like this flow??? I have ideas, so it's certainly a possibility. 
> 
>  
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated lol, and my twitter is @softency, I put my crackhead writer thoughts there into the void

**Author's Note:**

> I-
> 
> I'm wasn't sure if I wanted to add more to this, but I finally gave in and decided that if I want to add more, I'll just make it a series sksksk
> 
> Also: Seunghyun isn't a bad guy in this, don't take it like that. Unrequited love is shitty, and we're majorly seeing it through Jiyong, so of course he's going to look at least a little bit bad. Understand that Seunghyun would have acted differently if he knew in the first place :'))))
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you liked it!!! Feedback is always appreciated!!! I went over this like 5 times and added and cut a few things, so if you happen to find anything I missed, just lmk :)))  
> Also, hit me up with ideas if you want to see me write something else and who knows, maybe it'll happen :)
> 
>  
> 
> My Twitter is @softency, I complain there about writing things oof


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